Love Addiction Questionnaire
By Brenda Schaeffer

  1. Do you ever feel as though you take care of others even though it hurts you?
  2. Are you afraid or hesitant to talk about problems in your relationship?
  3. When you do discuss problems, do you seem to get nowhere?
  4. Do you feel like you are growing or want to grow and the relationship is not?
  5. Do you say yes when you want to say no?
  6. Do you rationalize away the things you don’t like in your relationship?
  7. Do you ever feel like you both want and don’t want to be in the relationship?
  8. Have you ever thought of leaving the relationship and been too afraid?
  9. Do you or the other person every get close and then pull back?
  10. Do you experience holding out in your relationship?
  11. Does how the other person in the relationship feel change your mood or self-esteem?
  12. Does the person’s behavior change your self-esteem or mood?
  13. Do you enable, persecute or feel like a victim?
  14. Do you struggle for power or control?
  15. Do you try to change the other person or the other person try to change you?
  16. Do you wonder what a healthy relationship is?
  17. Do you have any negative thoughts about men/women, relationships?
  18. Do you disregard your values to please someone?
  19. Do you fear risk, change or the unknown?
  20. Do you experience repeated negative feelings?
  21. Do you suffer from separation or disapproval anxiety?
  22. Do you let abusive people remain in your life?
  23. Do you fear being alone?
  24. Are your boundaries weak or rigid?
  25. Do you expect or demand unconditional love?
  26. Do you or those you are attracted to abuse or refuse commitment?
  27. Do you fail to stop others from violating your boundaries?
  28. Do you adapt to others to keep them around?
  29. Do you look to others to fulfill you?
  30. Do you become intimate before you have established trust?

Check yes or no to the above. Any yes answer indicates some degree of unhealthy dependency or addiction. But, please, let go of blame or guilt. Love addiction seems to be a fact of life. Most, if not all, relationships give evidence of some of these signs. And there is both healthy and unhealthy dependency.



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